Ode to a Toad
by Thisissocliche
Summary: A Hermione/Rolanda femslash, because there are desperately few, and I think Rolanda has spunk, which is sexy. Story as per my usual M.O (de-ageing). Set largely during the Summer between 5th and 6th year. Will be multi-chaptered, and won't be updated with any regularity. Title has very little to do with the story... I need to work on it.


_I'm afraid I'm desperately lacking inspiration for the next bit of Drugged, and this chapter is the result. My focus will still be on Drugged, but I'm making this my distraction-because-I-can't-think-of-how-to-write-what-I-want-to-for-Drugged story. _

_I'm a bit iffy as to the flow of this, but I need a break/distraction desperately. And yes, the title is quite ridiculous, but I'll take any suggestions for better under consideration._

_Oh, yes. The usual disclaimers apply (and I'm not going to do it for any further chapters, I would assume its patently obvious after the first one that Harry Potter isn't mine.)_

* * *

Toxic Obnoxious Abusive and Destructive were only a few words describing one Delores Umbridge - and they made such a delightful acronym - but Hermione Granger could not help but be thankful to that awful woman. After all, it was all thanks to her that Hermione met the love of her life.

Hermione had previously met the woman she would come to love, although she wouldn't know this until much later.

* * *

Rolanda Hooch was a woman of many things, a sufferer of fools not being one of them. So when Delores Umbridge so foolishly attacked Minerva McGonagall, Rolanda, who saw the whole thing from her broomstick, vowed that she would no longer allow the toad like bitch the free reign she had stolen.

It was the following day when Minerva was transferred to St Mungo's that Rolanda struck. She decided to start off easy, with a fly-by past the toads office window carrying a case of dungboms she'd conveniently confiscated off a third year. If she managed to smash a few of those animated atrocities that woman called kittens, well, that was simply a bonus.

It was as she was completing this very action that disaster struck. Hogwarts chose at that very point in time to discharge a large amount of extraneous magic out of the "acting headmistress'" window. Rolanda later learned that this action irreparably damaged every single animated kitten in that office - an action she thought well worth the pain she felt when she woke up a week later in the bed next to Minerva's.

* * *

"Mmmplfghmmllghffff"

"Very eloquent, Rolanda"

Minerva poured Rolanda a glass of water, which helped, somewhat.

"Ooh, my head... Actually, make that ooh, my _everything_. Minerva? What happened?"

"I don't actually know. I think Hogwarts was trying to help you terrorize the toad, but got a little too enthusiastic".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, well, you'd better see for yourself".

Minerva transfigured a small hand mirror from one of her hair pins and passed it to Rolanda.

"Oh"

"Indeed"

"Well. That's interesting. Do they, I mean. Do you know how old my body is now? Is this a permanent change? What will I do now, Min?" Rolanda's voice became increasingly shrill with this last question.

"Calm down Rolanda! Your panic serves no purpose. Now, in order. About 16, I think, yes it's permanent, and there are several options for what you can do now. We can go over them tomorrow, when you are more comfortable with the new - old - you".

* * *

Rolanda spend the rest of the day reacquainting herself with her 16 year old body. She was pleased that the de-aging had no effect on her hairstyle. She'd always hated having long hair, and had been quite pleased to cut it when she left school. It had returned to its original dark red as well, which she was quite pleased about. Her breasts were firmer and more perky, and her legs and belly taught and toned. All in all, she was quite pleased with the change. She just wished she could be a little older, that way she wouldn't have to worry about being technically under-age.

* * *

"The Ministry naturally wants none of the information about your de-ageing to come out. So Albus and I came up with two options; either you continue teaching under glamour's, which would get dreadfully itchy and could be dispelled accidentally at any time, or you go back to school as a student. You'll have to retake your OWLs under a different name, of course. If you choose the latter option, it will be fairly easy to arrange a cover story, most likely involving leaving the country."

"But, Minerva! That's hardly a choice. Of course I'd much rather go back to Hogwarts as a student than risk being exposed... But how on earth am I to pass my OWLs? I barely passed the first time around, you know that."

"That's only because you spent the time you ought to have been studying messing around on broomsticks. I suppose we could arrange for one of the students who just sat their OWLs to tutor you. But first, you need a new name."

"Can't I just stay Rolanda Hooch, and tell everybody I'm named for my aunt? I'm scared I'll forget a new name after being me for so long."

"We could actually work with that, say you didn't want to be accused of favouritism, so you left because your favourite niece really wanted to come to Hogwarts. We can tell the students you'd been home-schooled up to now, hence the need for tutoring."

"Thank you Minerva. I'm glad you and Dumbledore are on my side." And with that, Rolanda allowed the tears she'd been holding back since she saw herself in that hand mirror to fall. "I'm sorry; it's just that this is all so much to take in. I'm going to have to start my life all over again! What am I going to do?" She sobbed.

"Hush now my dear, it's not as bad as all that, you'll see. Think of this as an opportunity. You can do things differently, this time around. There must be some things you regretted doing, or not doing. I know I have regrets."

Rolanda gave a watery smile. "Thanks Min. I needed that."

"Yes, well. Anyhow, you'll need a tutor, Miss Hooch. Is there a student your Aunt has recommended?" Rolanda laughed at the immediate turn around.

"She recommended that I ask you who your best all-round student is, Aunt Min" Rolanda teased, knowing full well who Minerva's best student was, having heard her boasting to Filius about how she beat all his Ravenclaw's in every subject for the past few years.

"Aunt Min?" Questioned Minerva, momentarily diverted. "Well, I'll need some way to explain my familiarity with the Staff and castle. What better way than to say that as my Aunt's best friends, naturally you and Poppy have become pseudo Aunts to me as well, and naturally I've stayed at Hogwarts with my favourite Aunts over the summer. Now who's going to be my tutor, Auntie?"

"Idiot" Minerva said fondly. "Very well, nothing but the best for my pseudo-niece. I'll arrange for Hermione Granger to stay at Hogwarts for part of the summer. She'll need to anyway, from what Poppy tells me, her injuries from that Death Eater scum Dolohov requires her to stay in the Hospital Wing at least a week after term ends, which is tomorrow."

"What are you talking about Min? When was Miss Granger hurt? What happened?!"

"I forgot you didn't know. Potter was lured to the DOM by you-know-who, and naturally Granger and Weasley went with him, although surprisingly, Longbottom, Lovegood and Miss Weasley were also part of that group. They rode Thestrals, can you believe it?" Minerva continued, and apart from an aside to explain who Sirius Black was to Harry, and that he was innocent, she kept the story brief.

At the end of it, Rolanda was torn. Impressed that the kids had held their own long enough for adult help to arrive, but extremely angry that they had to go at all. However, it did expose Voldemort, so that was something, she supposed.

Although "are you sure Miss Granger will be able to tutor me injured?"

"It is only the theory that you really need help with, the practical should be fairly easy for you, and you can practice that when Miss Granger is fully recovered easily enough if you feel it necessary."

"Great. Now that's sorted, when can we bust out of here? I loathe hospitals, and I know you do too."

* * *

"You know Aunt Min, when I said let's bust out of St Mungo's, I was under the impression you were feeling much better."

"Hush Rolanda. Poppy might hear you. I'm perfectly fine. I have that bloody stick, although I would much prefer if I had no use for it."

This was the somewhat confusing conversation Miss Hermione Granger woke up to the day after term ended.

"Who? What? What happened?"


End file.
